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Happy 23rd birthday, Yook! A Love Letter.

Or 24th.  Korean age has always been confusing to me, but it doesn’t matter 🙂

Dear Yook,

This is the third time that I’ll be celebrating your birthday.  Ah, time flies so fast.  Remember how I, including all of kdrama land,  fell for you as Gong Taekwang?  Because of you and that drama, I will forever be grateful.  Three years ago, I wouldn’t even bother with what’s going on with Korean dramas and KPop but look at me now, happily spamming stan twitter everyday.  I even went back to blogging because of you! I am not good with words and I feel like they are not enough to express how thankful I am for your existence.

These days, if you noticed, I have a different bias group.  Ack, it pains my heart to admit that out loud because for the last couple of years, it has always been ONLY BTOB for me.  But some things changed, I couldn’t explain it well but at times I feel like I’ve betrayed you. I know that you love BTOB more than anything and that’s one of the reasons why I love and adore you.  I realized how much I love you more than the rest or the group as a whole.  Which is quite sad, I know.  Maybe I was in denial but it really is Sungjae and the others for me ever since.  Not that I don’t love the other six, because I do, It’s just simple as that, I love you more than all of them combined.

I saw you twice last year (no surprise why I’m broke) and I was so excited to see you again the soonest.   But here’s a secret… I kind of felt disappointed when I saw you for the second time.  Maybe you’re just tired, maybe I expected too much, maybe I was just not in the mood as well.  I was disappointed with how the fanmeet was canceled and all of that and I guess I just took it out on you?  I’m sorry and I know it was not your fault at all.  I’ve sulked for quite a while for reasons I didn’t understand.

And then another group came and I felt like I abandoned you.  I’m sorry.  Sometimes I even ask myself if I really did love you or if I just fell in love with Gong Tae Kwang, the character.  I feel awful just typing this but I had to face my feelings.

I only lurked for a bit, I supported BTOB’s comebacks and all that but the attention I was giving to my bias group is, I think, very noticeable.   More often than not, I always compare and it wasn’t healthy at all.  Sure, having anything new is always fun and exciting, but I know how loyal I’ve always been.  That’s just me– I NEVER change my bias.  But there were moments when I just wanted to leave.  There was a point in my life when I wanted to just quit being a Melody altogether and just be a solo Sungjae stan instead.  But I couldn’t even do that because I was a bit mad at him for absolutely doing nothing wrong 🙁 And to drag the whole group?  I must have been crazy.

Then a few months later, I went to Korea.  It was a time when Missing You was such a big hit.  I heard it everywhere I go and my heart felt like it was about to burst from pride.  You, along with the hyungs, won so many awards for this. I’ve read some of your interviews and I bawled like a baby every time because I was so touched.  I thought, if I didn’t care, then I wouldn’t feel all these, right? That’s when I know that I just couldn’t unlove you.

 

You and the rest of BTOB came when I was having a hard time.  It reached the lowest point of my life but BTOB was there to pick me up.  Every time I hear It’s Okay, it still bring tears to my eyes, my mood instantly gets better, and I am reminded why I am here in the first place.

This year, I also watched All the Butlers, wherein I get to know you more 🙂 It’s an instant happy pill and my week is incomplete without watching you in it.  I recommend it to friends and feel super giddy if they like it because I know you’re there.  Deep down, I know you will make them love you as much as I do 🙂 I am so sorry for ever doubting you. But one thing is for certain : Kpop (and by that I mean BTOB and SEVENTEEN) might no longer be a priority in the future, but I will never stop supporting you and BTOB.  Please always remember that we, Melodies, will always be with you all every step of the way.  Things will be difficult, but we can do it as long as we are together.

All the years of hard work, for going into solo projects just so you can promote the group, for never failing to mention BTOB in ALL of your activities, please remember that we appreciate this a lot.  Most of my twitter mutuals used to be a Sungjae stan and then they fell in love with BTOB, too.  See, it was because of you.  It was always because of you.  Not being dramatic or anything, but it was you who brought almost all of us here.  I’d be laughing if you told my then 25-year old self that I will be into kpop in the future, but here I am.  We might fall in love with other groups, or change our biases, but you know, your first love is impossible to forget.

Thank you, Yook Sungjae, for being you.  Thank you for being such a wonderful blessing to the world.  I hope we always get to see you sing, smile, act, and just be your normal, lovable, and dorky self.  I wish you nothing but happiness and love.  Thank you for being born.  Thank you for giving me the chance to meet you.

I love you so so much.  You have no idea how proud I am to see you grow into this wonderful human being tears  All of us can’t wait to watch your next drama! 🙂 You deserve all of these and more.

Much love from your crazy Noona,
Marianne ❤︎


PS

I combined random pictures and video clips for your birthday! Sorry I didn’t put much effort into it, but you know, it’s the thought that counts 😉 And oh, I participated in the LED AD for Yook along EDSA! I am so proud, good job PH Melodies.  I love you all.  It’s been wonderful to have met all of you, even just on stan twitter.  Hope to see you all soon.  XOXO

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